SEVEN

another trip around the sun without you

some days i miss you

some days i really miss you

one thing that is certain is that your memory inspires me to be a better person...and your anniversary reminds me how much i am failing at that task

there is nothing i want more than to make you proud 

i have been struggling

i feel trapped in these four walls

i am a creature of habit...my routine is suffocating

how can i change this?

how can i expand and grow?

when will i finally stop allowing the number on the scale to define my self worth?

i think that is the only way things are going to change

a box full of memories

Over the past several years my parents have been assisting the neighbors with tasks such as grocery shopping and yard work. Tom was in his 90s and suffered from dementia that had become increasingly more severe over the years. It had gotten to the point where he did not leave the house aside from routine health visits and his wife, Fran, who is in her late 80s could no longer safely care for him. She had reached the decision that it was time for both of them to move into assisted living. They would be at the same facility but he would be in the memory care unit. She could visit him daily. Tom did not adjust well to the move and his health rapidly declined. He passed away in March. 

My parents have been helping Fran's family clean out her house now that the house has been sold. Tom was an avid photographer. There were a few cameras and lenses that no one wanted. My dad knows I'm always looking for a side hustle so he brought them over to see if I could sell them on eBay. I opened up the box to find a couple of beat up camera cases and dozens of cardboard envelopes containing photos. They were pictures of birds, pictures of trees, pictures from trips, family parties. I felt like I was watching his life story unfold. Now, these pictures were nothing more than unwanted items in a box and after I sold what was of “value” they would be discarded in the trash. 

Thinking about this made me sad. It also served as a reminder to get out there and live life instead of taking pictures of it. The best memories are the ones we hold in our heads and heart. They cannot be captured on film.