Homeostasis

I had already decided on this title, and then realized that it’s not exactly in line with the proper definition of the word...but it’ll do.

I’m fresh off the worst six months of my life. The fun started in March when I became unemployed. From there, it was a steady diet of unfortunate events...a broken hot water heater which ruined just about everything in the basement, a tenant refusing to vacate, then threatening to sue me, my business partner getting arrested (which eventually led to our building being listed for sale), a mysterious leak in the basement of the building for sale, which persisted for months, making it unable to be shown to buyers, my dog was diagnosed with lyme disease and finally, my fiancé getting hit on her bicycle by a car...that’s the quick and dirty of it. I still can’t believe that so many shitty things happened in such a short amount of time. It had gotten to the point where I went into survival mode, just waiting for the next bad thing to happen.

Someone said that I can’t help but have changed after all that has taken place.

I don’t know that I have necessarily changed as a result of all of this. In the midst of it all, I was being pulled in a direction that is far from the person I truly am. My life is relatively simple and stress free. With so many stressful events happening back to back to back, there was no time to refocus and gain balance. Instead, I was taken even further off center.

The word homeostasis means the ability or tendency of an organism or cell to maintain internal equilibrium by adjusting its physiological processes. When the dust settled I found myself striving to get back to being me again. Having as strong a sense of self as I do is a double-edged sword. When it is compromised as it has been recently, it puts you in a really bad place. But on the other hand, it is easy to restore once things calm down.

As this year draws to a close and a new one begins, I find myself back to the place where I need to be and thankful that the past will stay there.

the sky's the limit

I’ve been making it a point to be more aware of my surroundings.

Today I hiked out about five miles until I came to a bench, which seemed like a good turn around point. I took off my pack and grabbed a drink. Before I started the return trip, I tilted my head back and took a big reach for the sky. While I was doing this, I noticed a hawk, circling overhead. It was the first sign of nature I’d seen in nearly two hours.

For five miles, I pretty much stared at this:


It was only when I looked up that I noticed this:

Sometimes we live our lives with tunnel vision. Today, I am thankful for being reminded to look up to the sky every now and then.

BAck TO NAture

The Batona Trail is a 49.5-mile hiking trail through New Jersey's Pine Barrens. The trail is the fourth longest in the state behind the Delaware and Raritan Canal Trail, the section of the Appalachian Trail within the state, and the completed section of the Highlands Trail in the state. The trail begins in Brendan T. Byrne State Forest (formerly Lebanon State Forest) at the ghost town of Ong's Hat and traverses Wharton State Forest and Bass River State Forest. The trail was built in 1961 by the Batona Hiking Club, which began informally in 1928 when Philadelphians began meeting regularly to hike.

I first learned about the Batona trail a few years ago while visiting Batsto Village. After spending no more than half an hour on the trail I was covered in ticks. Time has made me wiser in discovering that sometimes, the best hiking can be done in the cooler months when there are no bugs to contend with.

Over the next few months I plan to hike the entire Batona Trail. Each segment will be an out and back adventure, making the total trip just about 100 miles. I started today at Pakim Pond and headed north for about three miles, turned around and hiked back. I didn’t see one person the entire time. My car was the only one parked in the lot.

When all is said and done I will have spent close to 35 hours alone, hiking in the woods. Physically, the task is no problem. Mentally, it will be a bit more challenging. That was today’s lesson.

We fill up our days with people and places and things. There is so much “stuff” going on that we are rarely placed into situations where we have to be alone. On the trail, I am forced to be with my thoughts. They have no place else to go. I have no other distractions.

A friend of mine once said to me, “don’t ask questions you aren’t prepared to hear the answer to.” Well, ready or not, there are several questions I will be asking myself over the next few months.

“We have to dare to be ourselves, however frightening or strange that self may prove to be.”

- May Sarton