pain cave

there was too much sadness tonight so i left to go for a walk, but when i returned they were still talking about it. “i just lost my appetite” were the words i heard as i walked in the door.

i guess that is the way they deal with it. personally, i don’t see how it could make things any better. 

attempts to get a concrete response to any question that i ask have proved useless, so i stopped asking. there is still so much up in the air, so many unknowns. 

i guess that this is the way that i deal with it. this is such an isolating experience for me that sometimes i feel like my thoughts are all i have...and i never imagined that this is where they would materialize, but here they are...merely a whisper, when all i really want to do is yell.

Hardly Speaking a Word

Thinking about the loss of power that is associated with losing your voice. Thinking about the empowerment that comes from speaking up. Sometimes, silence is the most powerful statement. 

Defending yourself is a natural response when you feel like you are being misrepresented. It's not fair. It's frustrating Eventually, you reach an end where you realize that your words mean nothing. That's the place I found myself...so I chose not to use them at all and let my actions be my voice.

I've always felt like as long as I was a good person and treated people with kindness, that everything in life would fall into place. That may sound foolish to a lot of people, but it keeps me living day to day with a sense of peace. I don't worry too much about what's down the road. I don't worry too much about things I have no control over.

I've waited out some storms in my time. They've lasted as long as three years. I am patient. Lately, I've gotten the sense that another storm has passed.