so small

Here's the way this thing works...ideas come to mind and I write them down...words pop into my head and I write them down. Sometimes they sit with me for a long time and sometimes they're fleshed out in an instant. 

A couple days ago the words "so small" popped into my head...and, for those of you who listen to Country Music, it had nothing to do with Carrie Underwood...so I made a note of it. 

Yesterday I was talking with my massage therapist about the upcoming holidays. He asked how my brother was doing since he finished chemotherapy...then he went on to say that you don't realize just how small you are until you hear the words "cancer" come from the doctor's mouth. 

My mom just received a call from my cousin. My Aunt fell and was airlifted to a hospital in Trenton with a brain bleed. That's all we know right now. And so I gave a little more thought to these words "so small" as I laid in bed tonight...and I got up and this is what I wrote.

HOPE

"Love your secrets bottled up, but love them more when you give them up."

I have been carrying a piece of paper in my wallet for almost a year. I call it “hope.”

The words might not have been true. I can only hope that they were. I can only hope that someday, someone, somewhere will feel that way about me.

Until then, I am fine carrying on as I do, every day, holding on to hope.