the last day of our acquaintance

It was the last day of our acquaintance. I didn’t know it at the time. We walked home from dinner, holding hands. You took me to the living room, where a wrapped present was waiting for me. I squeezed you tight and thanked you, looking forward to using my new snowshoes with you...but that never happened. I will always wonder what would have happened if it didn’t rain that weekend.

And within a week I was tossed to the curb like garbage.

One year later, the scene still plays in my mind.

The most difficult part is the lingering feeling that the one person I cared about more than anything else in the world gave up on me. It is bittersweet to see the changes that have occurred in my life because they cannot be shared with her. I want so badly for her to know that I am the person I always knew that I could be, it just took a little bit of time to get there.

double tall mocha no whipped

I have about $40 in Starbucks gift cards sitting in my desk drawer. Yesterday, I decided to put them to good use by trying a high end coffee beverage for the first time. I stared at the menu for a few minutes before deciding on a mocha. For seventy five cents I could get an extra shot of espresso. Perfect! I approached the counter and ordered a small mocha with an extra shot of espresso. The lady at the counter informed me that it already comes with one shot. Acting as if I already knew this I said "I know, but I want two." She asked if I wanted whipped cream. I declined and handed her my gift card. Then, my order was broadcast for all of Starbucks to hear "double tall mocha, no whipped."

I always thought it was kinda obnoxious that Starbucks needed special names for "small, medium and large." Today I went back for another fancy coffee drink. This time I tried to use Starbucks lingo and ordered a "Grande Americano." It didn't sound right, at least not coming from my mouth.

back to 2005

A couple months ago I purchased an iPhone. My Samsung flip phone, which I affectionately referred to as “2005” stopped working. Being my first “smart phone” the iPhone has been fairly easy to use and I transitioned to the touch screen without a problem.

I can’t say that owning a phone with a data plan has made my life infinitely better. In fact, I think I’m worse off, which is why I have chosen to ditch my iPhone for an old, used flip phone.

poland fights

My grandmother was a strong, Polish woman. I got this tattoo in remembrance of her.

The Kotwica (Polish for "Anchor") was a World War II emblem of the Polish Secret State and Armia Krajowa. It was created in 1942 by members of the AK Wawer "Small Sabotage" unit as an easily usable emblem for the Polish struggle to regain independence. The initial meaning of the initials "PW" was "Pomścimy Wawer" ("We will avenge Wawer"). The Wawer massacre was considered to be one of the first large scale massacres of Polish civilians by Nazi Germany in occupied Poland.

At first, Polish scouts from sabotage groups painted the whole phrase upon walls. However, this was soon shortened to two letters, P and W, due to time constraints.The P and W initials evolved into the Kotwica.

The Kotwica began to signify more than just its intended abbreviation, taking on more meanings such as Polska Walcząca ("Fighting Poland"), Wojsko Polskie ("Polish Army") and Powstanie Warszawskie ("Warsaw Uprising"). Eventually, the Kotwica became a patriotic symbol of defiance against occupiers and was painted in a graffiti style on building walls.

After World War II, Poland's communist authorities banned the Kotwica. As the communist grip weakened, the symbol was no longer censored, and in 1976 it became one of the symbols of Ruch Obrony Praw Człowieka i Obywatela (ROPCiO), an anti-communist organization defending human rights in Poland. Later it was also adopted by various other anti-communist political organizations.

you go girl

This has happened to me far too many times to count...

Peegret: The feeling that you made a terrible mistake by not taking a leak at the office or home or wooded lot that you just left because you are, or know you soon will be, dying to take a piss and you don't have an acceptable place to do it.

I am experiencing deep peegret right now; I should have taken a leak at that bar we just left, now I’m stuck in this car in downtown traffic and I’m dying to go!


Problem solved?

the kinetic chain

Everything in our body is connected. A slight injury to the left foot could trigger a series of reactions (ankle, leg, knee, hip) that ultimately affect the right shoulder. When one muscle isn’t working properly the others will compensate. My body has been doing too much of this lately and I feel it.

After realizing that I haven’t posted in two weeks, I started to give some thought to the kinetic chain on a larger scale. Much like the kinetic chain, physical injury has sparked a series of reactions that have compromised my mental clarity and emotional happiness.

I’ve been focused on the physical component of my health to the detriment of these other areas of my life. I don’t know if this is something that could have been avoided. It’s made me realize how much of my happiness is derived from my physical well-being and thankful for the fact that it is restored.

the things that people say

I heard a guy say this to his friend at the gym today...

"No, no, because dude, I got a plan, listen...I'm gonna work both jobs, get as much money as I can, get tattooed and get jacked..."

Sounds like he's all set.