mind dump

I don't know where the past month has gone. Somehow, I've found myself staring at piles...piles of clothes, piles of mail and piles of paper work. And, there are piles of ideas, sitting in a folder on my desktop, but they too have escaped me, just like these piles that I'm staring at. It's been raining all day. It can be sunny for a week, but somehow, a rainy day can make it feel like the sun is never going to come out again. I'm using the time to be productive...and by that I mean sampling new musical artists, drinking too much coffee and catching up on laundry. 

Last month I started working as a personal trainer at my local gym. The fitness industry is something that has always seemed to be calling me, but I've had my reservations. The first was wondering if I'd be good enough at it. The second was the fear that something I love would lose it's appeal to me if it became a career. So far, it's been a pleasant surprise and I've enjoyed the challenge of creating fitness plans for my clients, each of whom have different needs and goals. One of the women I work with is close to 300 pounds. The first time I met her I had been having a pretty shitty day, but her attitude made it hard not to smile. There was nothing I asked of her that she wouldn't do. Her determination made me ashamed of the way I have judged overweight people. Had I encountered her in any other environment, my thoughts about her would have been completely different. The experience was a much appreciated wake up call. 

A few weeks ago I received an email from my coach saying that I had "nailed my power test." As a result, my workouts were about to get 10% harder. It was a bittersweet feeling. It is nice to see a progression after three months of training, but now, just about every workout I complete is alone. Four days a week, I drive to the municipal lot in Pitman, park my car and hit the road with only my iPod shuffle for company. It has shown me a different side of cycling, one that is somewhat lonely. I've grown to appreciate the dichotomy. Last year, I was introduced to an amazing group of people through group rides. In that respect, it has made me feel included. Now, I am feeling a bit of isolation. I realize that it doesn't have to be this way; I don't have to train this hard, but the challenge is something that I am unable to resist. 

The piles are staring at me. I am staring back at them. I think I will finally get around to tidying up, something I've put off for a month, much like this posting.