I met a hooker and I liked it

I’m 45 years old and just met a prostitute for the first time.

Perhaps I have unknowingly met one in passing at some point in time. This, however was a sure thing.Part of my job as a trainer at the gym is to provide “comp sessions” to members. These thirty minute training sessions are free of charge and enable the client to obtain a structured workout which they can follow on their own.

Usually I confirm these sessions the night before and in this case I did just that. We agreed to meet in the lobby at 9:30am since I would already be downstairs teaching a class.

When I saw her I immediately recalled that we had met briefly in the spring. At the time she was VERY deconditioned after a long illness and still suffered from stomach/GI issues. The session didn’t even last 10 minutes. She excused herself and went to the bathroom to vomit. When she came out she apologized, saying that today was not a good day and she needed to go home.

Now, she was in a much better place.

I asked what I could help her with during this session. She told me that she didn’t want any weight training, just cardio because she needed to lose ten pounds by the end of the month for work.

I set her up with interval programs on the treadmill, stair climber and rower. We sat down at the training desk so I could write it out for her. She was very appreciative, emphasizing that she just need to lose these last six pounds and be done with it.

I asked her what it was she did for work and she said “I’m an escort” Oh, I said, you mean you...Before I could finish what I was saying she chimed in to confirm “I’m a prostitute.I have my own clients and make $10,000 cash a month, but I need to get down to 120 so I can get head shots for this escort service."

By now I was COMPLETELY fascinated, still digesting what she had told me...Oh, well, how about we see how this program goes for you and we touch base in a week (in other words, after I make a list of questions I wanna ask you about being a prostitute)She agreed and we parted ways.

On Monday night I received a text informing me that she lost all of the weight. She thanked me and said we wouldn’t need to meet tomorrow.

So many questions left unanswered, but I’m thankful I was able to help her achieve her goal weight. I’m sure many men will be satisfied with the finished product.

reloading

I’m pretty good friends with this guy at the gym. There are times when I catch him lifting with shitty form and I’ll call him out on it. The problem is that he is frustrated that his fifty-something year old self cannot lift the same weight as his forty-something year old self. He’ll frequently tell me what he used to be able to do.


Two weeks ago he hurt his shoulder doing lateral raises with a weight he had no business lifting. It set him back a week. When he returned I told him to stop lifting with his dick (or his ego) and to be thankful for what he can do.

On Friday, a similar scenario presented itself. One of the morning regulars, a guy in his mid-fifties asked me for a spot on the bench press. He was attempting a one rep max. When he completed it he told me that he has a bum shoulder and was advised to stop benching fifteen years ago...but, there is just something about being able to do it that he can’t let go of...it’s almost as if he uses it as a measure of something more than just physical strength.

Getting old doesn’t have to suck. These guys need to realize that their foundation is there. All they need to do is switch up the tools they are using to keep it strong.

snowflakes

I'll be the first to admit that at times I can be a bit abrasive. My (possibly flawed) rationale is that I’d never “dish out” what I could not take. Unfortunately, people have grown increasingly sensitive (snowflakes) to the point where just about anything you say is bound to offend someone. 

I was having this conversation with one of my training clients last week. She told me that often it’s not what you say but how you say it. And so I practiced it...I rehearsed it and when presented with an opportunity I gave it a shot. 

Even though I am a trainer gym I’m hesitant to offer suggestions and/or corrections to those whom I do not work with personally...BUT...there is this woman who weighs all of 100 pounds and runs on the treadmill as if she were a 350 pound sumo wrestler. I can hear her through my headphones. I can hear from the opposite side of the gym. I can ever hear her when I shut the door behind the training desk while doing yoga. Needless to say, it is irritating. I’ve critiqued her form endless times. The problem is that her heels never strike the ground. Running on your tip toes three to four miles a day cannot be a good thing. It’s gotta cause some major calf pain. 

I saw her in the locker room and asked if her calves hurt. She looked at me as if I was some type of genie or wizard...and replied that she had recently returned to running after tearing a calf muscle and that they hurt all the time. I explained the reason why and offered a suggestion...put the treadmill on a very slight incline and focus on allowing your heel to make some contact with the ground. It looked like the lightbulb went on. It looked like she got it...and she thanked me and was on her way. 

The next day I arrived to work, welcomed by her incessant pounding. Inconspicuously, I passed and noticed the incline had not budged. Oh well, if she didn’t heed my advice at least I found a non-offensive way to tell her...that is a win in my book!

Tour de Donut

My devotion to cream donuts is something that’s been cultivated over the past two years. I blame it on my training clients. It started when Diane’s husband brought me a chocolate chip cookie from Whole Foods. From there it progressed to bismarcks, ultimately ending with the chocolate frosted, chocolate cream donut from Randolph’s. Occasionally, a white paper bakery bag containing two of these treasures would appear by my stuff in the morning. Training clients began to take notice...oh, Randolph’s is good, but have you had L&M? They are the best. A box containing four donuts soon followed. Word has since spread and now, pretty much everyone at the gym knows. Cream donuts are gifted to me on a regular basis. Currently, I am averaging four per week. 

I was talking “donuts” over lunch with a friend last month. It was her birthday and I figured we’d grab a donut to celebrate. After scanning the internet for options, I deferred to the waitress. She lamented that there really weren’t any bakeries in the area to get a good cream donut and then suggested we could try Nino’s Pastry shop. I called ahead to confirm that they had them. There were only three left so I asked the woman to set aside two. They looked much better than they tasted. The cream was flavorless and the cake potion had an unpleasant aftertaste. 

I felt as though my friend had been short changed on her birthday donut. Knowing there is an abundance of good bakeries in my area, she suggested that we celebrate my birthday with a Tour de Donut. This was an AMAZING suggestion and I was slightly jealous that I had not thought of it. Route planning began immediately and resulted in a 26-ish mile ride with stops at five locations. 

The first annual Tour de Donut (Donna’s birthday edition) took place on September 16, 2017. 

First stop: Gallo’s Bakery, Cherry Hill 
Sandwich type, soft cake, cream is sweet but not overpowering 





Second stop: Deluxe Bakery, Runnemede 
Sandwich type, cake is more firm and has a yellowish color, cream is sugary sweet 
These actually taste much better frozen 
Best value at $.70 per donut 


Third stop: Donut Revolution, Barrington 
I decided to break with tradition on this one and support a new local business. This shop serves specialty donuts. I opted for the peanut butter cup. It looked much better than it tasted. In theory, it is a delicious idea, but the base donut had a spiced taste to it that was overpowering and clashed with the other flavors. 

Fourth stop, McMillan’s Bakery, Westmont 
YES, PLEASE! The cream donut with granulated sugar (as opposed to powdered sugar) is my current favorite. And, while I haven’t had all of the cream donuts in the area, this is the best I have tasted so far. 
Sandwich type, cake is not too soft, not too firm and the cream is smooth, almost buttery. Eat one now, save one for later. 
Priciest at $1.40 per donut but worth it

Fifth stop: Randolph’s Bakery, Maple Shade 
Ah, the place that started it all! 
Stuffed type, cake is soft, chocolate cream has just the right amount of sweetness. My only complaint is that they don’t have enough cream in the middle. 

The tour ended with a stop at Wawa for dollar coffee. 

My actual birthday isn’t until the end of this week, but I am fairly certain that there will be an abundance of donuts on that day.

a difficult conversation

Since the beginning of the year I have made a concerted effort to provide better services to my training clients. Part of this involves bi-weekly weigh-ins and monthly body composition testing.

There was one evaluation that I was dreading. It was with a young woman who had gained thirteen pounds in the last ten months. This was mostly the result of a poor diet, but her exercise habits(only coming to the gym once a week for our thirty minute training session) did nothing to help the cause.

Her eyes nearly popped out of her head when she saw the scale. She knew she had gained weight, but didn’t realize how much. Initially, she tried to rationalize it, telling me that she ate a big breakfast. Unfortunately, the last weigh in we conducted was in the evening, after she had eaten all three meals. There was no excuse. 

She admitted that she needed to start eating better and coming to the gym more frequently...but in a way I felt like I had heard this before...so I spent a little extra time with her that day. I let her know that things had to change. It was a difficult conversation to have with someone you don’t know too well.

I saw her last night. She was there to take a group class. I realize that change has to come from within, but it feels good knowing that I might have provided a little spark.

January 13: cool down

January 10: double workout aka laundry before lunch

January 6: leg day