flipping the switch

I have difficulty finding the off button sometimes. Whether it's my mouth or my head or both...once I am fueled by an idea, I struggle to let it go. 

I wish I had a place for these things. I would pile them up like stones until they formed a wall that was so high I could no longer see out and you could no longer see in. I would save them like the spare change that I toss into a jar, waiting to be cashed in and spent on the vacation I will never take. 

On a good day, I bite my tongue. On a good day I am able to sleep at night. Lately, there have been more good days than bad days. 

I’m staring at this pile of rocks...I’m staring at this jar full of coins...thinking...there's got to be some other way.  

trim the fat

Winter to Spring to Summer, then Fall...endless miles on a bike...countless hours training and traveling to group rides or races. I peeled away the layers until the only things remaining were me and my bike.

And I felt disconnected, but helpless. And I had burned bridges, but I didn't really care. It was a hole that only I could dig myself out of...just hold on...just hold on.

I hit reset. I apologized. I reconnected.


Sometimes you need to lose yourself a little to find yourself.

demons

I chased my demons for 18 miles. There were twists and turns and views of the pines. My heart raced and my breathing became labored...and I pedaled on and on... 

I drove home in silence, faced with a new revelation...it was my demons that had been chasing me. 

I arrived home and got out of the car. 

From this day forward I am done running.

the shoes you're wearing

I woke up this morning to an 
email from a friend who is going through some tough times. In it, she expressed her admiration for the qualities I posses and went on to say that I "got it (life) right." 

I don't know that I got it right...maybe I got it right for right now...maybe I got it right for me...in any case, these were my words for her...

Last week I went to get new running shoes. I had looked online at a bunch of ones that I was interested in...it turns out that the ones I preferred, the ones that felt best and the ones that looked the best on me (as far as correcting my pronation) were the ones that got the worst reviews online. 

What works for my feet, what feels good for me isn't necessarily what is going to feel good for you. Perhaps that is a lesson you will learn from your experiences with me. It is ok to have concrete goals for a career and a family; a home and planting roots. I have vague ideals like being a good person and living life simply. What is comfortable for me isn't necessarily going to be comfortable for you, just remember that...and you can admire something without aspiring to be like it.