the problem with stuff

I’ve spent the past three years making a conscious effort to declutter my life. I’ve made donations, sold things on eBay and most importantly stopped buying stuff unless it was absolutely necessary. There have been things that I’ve really wanted, but did not need. It’s been difficult exercising restrain at those moments. Discipline has paid off.

It’s been a bumpy road the past few months.

There have been people who I have wanted to reach out to for support, but I haven’t. And I am starting to realize that (just like with material things) there are people I want in my life that I don’t necessarily need in my life.

cold turkey

During the winter months, my caffeine consumption was out of control. My coffee mug holds four cups of coffee. I was drinking two a day, from the french press. During my April appointment with the cardiologist, he asked about my caffeine consumption and mentioned that it could have been the cause of my SVT. 

Something had to change. 

I thought back to the last time I tried to quit my afternoon cup of coffee. The result was a terrible headache. Was I addicted to caffeine? Probably, but I always justified it by saying I could be addicted to something far worse. This time around, I eased myself into it, by starting with half-caf, then de-caf and ultimately no coffee in the afternoon. 

While caffeine addiction pales in comparison to other types of addiction, it is definitely a liberating feeling to no longer be dependent on that afternoon cup of coffee.

The Tumbleweave Diaries

weave-a-blowin' in the wind

coin flip

I have a coin flip app on my phone. It’s pretty self explanatory. You don’t always have a coin to flip when the situation calls for it. It has helped me make many insignificant decisions.

There is a 50% chance that you will be right. There is also a 50% chance that you will be wrong.

Occasionally, I don't like the outcome and extend the flip game to best out of three or best out of five.

50%...Half full...Half empty

Right now I wish the odds were better than 50%.

Right now I wish that I could flip that coin as many times as I’d like, until the outcome was the one my brother deserves.

i'd rather be...

hiking, sleeping, eating, at the beach, laughing, alone, with you, lost, found, riding, running, relaxing, smiling, having a beer, in montana...

anywhere but here...doing anything but this 

and i don’t know if that means that i need to get away or if it means that i need to become more content with where i am

Hazel's Journey

The house was quiet since the unexpected passing of my 11.5 year old boxer-pit mix, Riley. I tossed around the idea of fostering, but my dad was hesitant and asked “what if we get attached to the dog?”

Last Sunday I took a ride to Street Tails Animal Rescue (STAR) in Northern Liberties. A friend of mine had been talking up a sweet pit mix, Hazel. I found myself there the next day as well. When I brought my dad back to meet her on Wednesday she seemed to recognize me. 

The biggest problem they had with her was that she looked too much like a pit. My dad was concerned about the way people would look at him when he walked the dog down the street. He said they would be afraid. They seemed to have forgotten that Riley was also a pit mix. It seemed unfair that they weren’t even willing to give this dog a chance. They were only perpetuating the stereotype. 

So I thought about it...and I sat them down and I told them how I felt. I told them that people are always going to look at me differently because I wear sporty clothes or because I hold hands with a girl with short hair. I have been looked at differently for a good portion of my life and after a while, you need to not let it bother you…because someone is always going to find something they don’t like about you, whether it is the way you dress, the person you love or the dog you own. 

On Thursday afternoon, Hazel had a play date with her buddy Otto and they hit it off well. She came home with me and has not left my side for the past 48 hours. We are making some progress though. I can finally close the door when I go to the bathroom and she doesn’t cry.

when it rains...

it pours and when it pours you have some options...

you can wait it out 
you can grab an umbrella and muddle through it 
you can embrace it 

we all have our own ways of dealing with the storm 

i shift my focus to the sun
i think about the days spent reveling in the sunshine 

the loss i experienced this week will hurt for a long time 
what has made it easier is knowing that for 11 years we played in in the sunshine and splashed in the puddles 

i don’t mind the rain