pay it forward

The expression "pay it forward" is used to describe the concept of third party beneficiary in which a creditor offers the debtor the option of "paying" the debt forward by lending it to a third person instead of paying it back to the original creditor. Debt and payments can be monetary or by good deeds. 

I've sat with this one for a while. Usually when I write I try to keep things on the light side, but that's not where I am right now.

Eight years ago I moved back here from a place that very much felt like home to me for two reasons. The first was little boy, just shy of his third birthday. I wanted to be a strong positive influence in his life and to watch him grow. The second was my grandmother (mom-mom) who was 85 and in declining health.

I will spare you the details of the time that has elapsed since then.

If you read my blog about the Chicken Sandwich you know that last year my mom-mom moved into a long term care facility (the nice name for nursing home).

Two weeks ago she was admitted to the hospital with pneumonia. As thanksgiving approached it was evident that she would not be at dinner. It just didn't seem right. So, when the turkey and all the trimmings were ready I had my mom make a plate of food and I took it to her in the hospital.

I can't explain the feeling I had that evening, just the two of us, me listening to her critique every bite I fed her. The turkey was good this year, but the rice pudding wasn't soft enough. Those raisins needed to soak a little longer.

Extended time in the hospital can do a lot to break a person's spirit. Medications that help one condition make another worse and in her case, create new problems all together. I have often wondered if it is worse to lose your mind and have your body or to be like her, having mind, but failing body, pain, an awareness of pain, an awareness of the inability to do even the simple things.

Tonight I took the chicken sandwich to her again, but she couldn't chew it. It is finally setting in. I am ok with that and I think she is too.

The past year and a half has been rough. My family has done everything possible to make things more comfortable for her. They are things that are done without having to think twice. They are automatic.

At certain times in my life, my kind actions have been called into question.

I think there are many skeptics out there who have a difficult time believing that there are people who do kind deeds without seeking anything in return.

To those people I offer another way to look at the situation.

Maybe they don't want anything out of it.

Maybe they aren't doing it to prevent something bad from happening to them in the future.

Maybe they are doing it because something good has happened to them.

Maybe they are just paying it forward.