even keel

One of my clients asked me if I was excited about my upcoming vacation to Montana. 

“Not really,” I replied. 
To which she questioned, “Does anything excite you?” 
Again...”Not really” I replied, “I guess I just don’t see the point in getting excited.” 
“Life is all about the hills and the valleys, the highs and the lows,” she said. 

I prefer to stay on an even keel. If you never experience the highs then the lows won’t feel as low. 

Maybe it’s a method of self-preservation; reflective of where I am right now in my life...or maybe I’ve just been on enough roller coasters.

Crossasaurus Awesome...

AKA doing dumb stuff in my first 1/2/3 race 

I almost didn’t race today. Yesterday afternoon I was talking myself out of it because the alternatives were more appealing...I could go to the gym and have the rest of the day to get stuff done...I could ride alone at Batsto...I could ride with my teammates and eat cider donuts. Then, the right words came at the right time and they were...”Not my circus, Not my monkeys.” So I made a deal with myself...I would race, but after that I’d go for a run. I packed up the car and headed to Upper Salford Park.  

Two years ago, I did a handful of races and fell in love with CX. Last year I had success in the PACX 3/4 Series. Today, I returned to the place where I had begun, my goal: not come in last...and I didn’t...I’m actually not sure how I did because I left right after the race to go for a run...but I know I didn’t come in last...and I know I could have done better if I hadn’t “yardsaled” (thanks for the lingo, Robin) in the last lap...but it was so much fun catching that air and it’s nothing that a couple motrin and a bottle of Pumking can’t fix. 

I don’t think I’ll ever have that competitive edge, the one that makes you want to sprint it out for 14th in the elite field. That could be a problem down the line, but right now I’m enjoying myself.

what if...

It's the point where you don't let your past to dictate your future. It's the point where you learn from your mistakes and refuse to allow them to impede your growth. 

Lately, I've been asking myself the question "what if?"

I've been walking a thin line. It's a neutral line. On the left is my past. On the right is my future. At times I lose my balance and tip to one side.

What I've found is that focusing on one spot helps me stay upright.

There are too many "what ifs" in my life right now. It makes me feel uneasy, but I think that in order to become a better person I need to embrace it. Life is bound to have some bumps in the road so for now I've decided to buckle myself in and enjoy the ride.