days with my father

They said he is who is...they said he would never change...they said that I needed to just accept who he is.

The earliest memory I have of my father is of us walking to the town library on a cold night. I was four years old. As time passed, I became more aware of certain things...his attitude, the things he said (no matter who was around) and most of all, his temper.

And so I spent the better part of my childhood taking it all in...and the majority of my young adulthood being angry about it. I was eighteen years old and a freshman in college the first time I went to therapy. The ten years that followed were spent trying to work it out.

I purchased my first home when I was twenty eight. It was a fixer-upper (to put it gently) and a project that my father and I took on together. At the onset of this “adventure” I had a conversation with my mother about my father’s angry tendencies and the way in which they have affected me. She stared at me, puzzled and then she called him into the family room. His eyes welled up with tears as this information was being relayed to him. My mom was not aware of what I had experienced as a child. My dad was not aware that he was doing anything wrong.

I left it all there that day. For the next two years, we spent nearly every weekend at the house. It was a labor of love and an exercise in healing for both of us.

Three years ago, my father retired. Since then I have seen a different side of him, one that I never imagined could exist. He bakes cookies and researches slow-cooker recipes. He spends countless hours in the yard, which is merely an excuse to smoke a cigar. He does the grocery shopping, vacuums the house and unloads the dishwasher (at 6AM). The dog has become his best friend and they are inseparable, taking three walks a day. And, most importantly, he has become a world champion solitaire player (that lap top was money well spent).

They said he is who is...they said he would never change...they said that I needed to just accept who he is. They were wrong.