life unfiltered

Last weekend, I was on the road early, headed to HPCX. The sun rose as I made my way North on the Turnpike. I thought about the pictures that people take of sunrises and sunsets, frequently adding the hashtag “no filter.” 

And then I thought about filters...isn’t nature beautiful the way it is? Why would it need a filter?

And then I thought about life...it’s not alway pretty...and I think a lot of people have a tendency to live life filtered. They see what they choose to see. They select what to show us.

For better or for worse, that has never been the case with me. I say a lot of things I probably shouldn’t and I give zero fucks about it.

In some respects it’s good because you will always get exactly what you see when you interact with me. In some respects it’s not good because expressing myself in this way puts everything on the table, leaving me without shelter.

It follows me in conversations at work...at the gym...at races...in emails...in text messages...and I know that it is all with good intention, but it doesn’t make it any easier. Still, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

WhirlyBird CX

I mentioned in a previous post that growing up, I wasn’t exactly an all-star athlete. I was over weight, made fun of and always the last kid picked in gym class. I participated, but wasn’t very good at sports. 

In high school, I didn’t allow my parents to come to the games. What was the point in them coming to watch me sit the bench? 

Thankfully, I grew out of the awkwardness (about four years after my peers) and shed some weight. I was a decent athlete (rowing) in college. Twenty years have passed, but I’d like to think that I am still in fairly decent shape for my age.  

WhirlyBird CX was later this season and at a different location, but it is a special race for me because it was my first. Three years later, it became even more special with my mom on the sidelines watching. 

I’ve come a long way since those awkward teen years. I’m sure it must have hurt my mom that I did not want her at my sporting events. Even though it was never discussed, she probably understood the reason why, because that’s just the way mom’s are. 

Thanks Mom, for supporting me all these years.

HPCX

The rule for this season is no races more than an hour away from home. Charm City is one of my favorites and it was tugging at my heartstrings last weekend. I resisted the urge to travel to Baltimore. It was the right decision for both personal and financial reasons.

HPCX was new for me last year. I remember that it was brutally cold and that there was no place nearby to get coffee. 

I arrived at Thompson Park a little before 8AM and proceeded to double flat on the pre-ride. My initial instinct was to pack up and go home. After some persuasion, I headed over to the Stan’s No Tubes tent for support. The mechanic was able to seal my front tire, but couldn’t guarantee that the rear tire would hold. No pre-ride, no warm up, sealant oozing out of my back tire and my race goes off in thirty minutes. 

My pit bike is a peanut butter sandwich...let’s eat...then let’s spend $100 on new tires at the bike shop!

I can’t say that I was thrilled when the alarm went off at 6am on Sunday morning. It was dark and cold, like frost on the windshield cold. This time, I pulled out all the stops...a road bike, trainer (what?? who warms up?) and two CX bikes made the journey with me. I cannot believe how much shit one person needs for a 40 minute bike race.

The course on Sunday was new this year and it included two sand pits. I watched people ride, but I also saw some epic failures. Running would be the fastest way for me to get through this section. I committed to the run, even though most people around me would be attempting to ride.

I had a decent start and settled in somewhere around 4th or 5th. There was nowhere to recover on this course. If it wasn’t the sand it was a climb or a run up. It wore me down, but it felt good. I hung in there and battled it out for a third place finish, which was a nice turn around from the double flat on day one.

Caffeinated CX

When it comes to racing, I have found myself walking a fine line on more than one occasion since my brother’s diagnosis two years ago. Racing has either served as a distraction OR I have been too distracted to race. I walked that line this weekend. 

I was up at 6am and on my way to work registration. After a pre-ride I scratched the idea of riding my mountain bike. The clay run up was way too steep and that bike was too heavy to carry. 

This was the third year for Caffeinated CX. I did not race the previous two years. It looked as if this year would be no different. My mind was not in the right place. There is a lot of anger inside me right now. Far too many times I have been met with the response “I’m sorry” and it has only made it worse. It has made it worse to the point where I just shut down and sat with my anger. 

I saw a couple friends at the race who made me feel a little bit better...people who understand what is going on...people who will be real with me. 

I got my number and pinned it on. Maybe racing will help. 

So I did...and I did it for no reason other than to forget life for 45 minutes...and it helped. 

I ride for an amazing bike shop. My teammates are all great guys. The friends I have made racing cx for the past three years are genuinely good people.

Gratitude

Hippo Cross(ing)

Hey, check out these fancy cloth race numbers!

The Pope gave me an extra day off tomorrow so I can write this race report tonight. Hippo Cross(ing) was new this season so I didn’t know what to expect, BUT all of the cool kids were racing and it was less than an hour away from my house so I registered. 

The guys at the shop put the finishing touches on my Super X the night before the race. While adjusting my saddle, the torque wrench snapped and part of it lodged into the bolt. We kept our fingers crossed that the saddle was on tight enough and in the correct position. 

When I got to the race I saw a couple friends who told me that the course was bumpy. That was an understatement. It was so bumpy that the piece of torque wrench dislodged itself during the race...that was the good news...the bad news was that the saddle was not on tight enough and I finished the race with it in an EXTREME nose up position. 

Aside from the course being bumpy it also had some tough climbs, followed by downhills. All in all it wasn't looking like this would be a good race for me. I had a decent start which was something that I wanted to improve on and I rode up the set of tiny stairs (which terrified me) EVERY LAP!!! I did not do well on the down hills, coming to almost a complete stop on every one before turning to face my next ascent, which didn’t do much to help my cause. 

After the race I went back to the car to change and eat a peanut butter and banana sandwich. I missed the podium photo but it was worth it because the sandwich was really good. I still got my payout for coming in seventh, which was pretty much where I expected to finish. It covered my entry fee and I’m content with that. 

There was a pig at the race and I wanted to take a selfie with him, but by the time I finished my race there was yellow caution tape, restricting access to his pen. That was disappointing. Also disappointing was the fact that I did not realize that it was National Pancake Day until later that evening. I ate a pancake today but it wasn’t the same. 

Next weekend is my team's sponsored race Caffeinated CX. Spoiler Altert: I'm going to ride my mountain bike.

My 41st Year

Charm City, WhirlyBird, HPCX, Crossasaurus Awesome, Swashbuckler (swashbuckler tattoo), Fair Hill, Kutztown, Nittany...MAC Series Champion...Focus, cantis for life, Batsto, Elephant Swamp, Parvin...Asics, Swiftwick, 2XU...Orange Theory Fitness, base, push, all out, splat points...CX Nationals, Heritage Trees...CLIFF!! Austin Texas, cupcakes, beer, fish tacos, pancakes, pizza, ice cream...lemon water, candy crush...The South Jersey Brewery Tour...Lunacy, Forgotten Boardwalk, Village Idiot, Spellbound, Glasstown, Tuckahoe...Katz Coffee, Chemex, Americanos...Hunter Hayes, Chick Radio, CCM Happens, Hozier...Opportunity Barks, off, jolly ball...disc brakes, cygolite, commuter...life in the slow lane...tabata tuesday...New Hampshire, Presidential Traverse, Lakes of the Clouds, Madison, Adams, Jefferson, Washington, Monroe, Eisenhower, cairns, AMC...Greek yogurt, grass fed whey, wawa gobbler, Noosa, Oreo thins, Rexy’s Pizza, Bonk Breaker, ProMix Nutrition...Osprey, Brooks, Superfeet...Glacier National Park (is on fire), Two Medicine, Bowman, Kintla, Polebridge, Running Eagle Falls, Dawson, Pitamakan, Triple Divide, The Highline Trail, Swiftcurrent Pass, Avalanche Lake, Piegan Pass, Siyeh Pass, Hidden Lake, Ptarmigan Tunnel, Iceberg Lake, Grinnell Lake, Grinnell Glacier...T@B, Huckleberry Pie, trail running, Shea-Toe, Ptarmigan Village...At-lame-ta, Phila-dumphia...Franklin Fountain, Franklin Square, my 25 pound nephew...riddle me this, sandbagger, upgrade, Cat 2, masters have more fun...lost pines, the winds of change...another trip around the sun.

Mill Creek CX

I spent most of the night having dreams about forgetting something. The first time, I got to the race and forgot my bike. I woke up, went to the bathroom and back to sleep. Then I forgot my socks...rolled over...they were calling my race and I wasn’t dressed. I tried to put on my shorts and they were inside out...I woke up and decided to make some coffee...so much for sleeping in.

It’s been a busy week as far as bikes are concerned...a commuter cx bike and a race cx bike are in the works, along with some parts being swapped and my road bike being readied for sale...I was at the shop from early afternoon until close three days last week. As a result, my CAADX is built up for commuting and there are million bike parts in my living room. 

I’ve never done a 1/2/3 race in NJ. The start time (12:06pm) doesn’t suit me well as I am accustomed to racing in the morning. The length of the race (45 minutes) is also longer than I’m accustomed to. BUT this was less than half an hour from my house and much closer than my other options for racing this weekend. Surprisingly, only five women pre-registered. With an additional two day of registrations, the field size grew to seven. It was announced that everyone would get paid. Not a bad deal!

The sun came out for our race and it got pretty damn hot. When I passed the line and heard “three to go” I did the math in my head. This is going to be a long ass race...and it was...52 minutes (for me) which was 20 minutes longer than last weekend at Nittany. 

Lap four is where it started coming undone. The leader was well off the front and the two women I had kept close started to pull away. There I was, on a windy, open field in NJ, navigating twists and turns, a few off cambers and some barriers...no one to chase, no one pursuing me. I did my best to keep it steady and finish where I thought I would...fourth.

Those extra 20 minutes of racing gave me reason to celebrate with an excellent seasonal from Long Trail Brewing Company. Cheers!