The sun wasn’t up when I headed to the basement gym to burn off some of that nervous energy. I put in a decent 50 minute effort on the rollers and felt satisfied completing a workout in case I did not race. That was still a very likely possibility, even though I purposely put on my skin suit before leaving the house.
As I walked out the door my dad said “good luck” to which I replied “thanks, I don’t even know if I am going to race.” Then I paused and said “I used to enjoy it so much, but it’s just not fun any more.”
And there it was...I said it...what I was really thinking was that nothing is much fun any more. It’s been a struggle to find enjoyment in anything since my brother passed away.
The first step was driving to the race venue. I was greeted by a handful of familiar faces as I made my way to the registration table. Step two was getting my number. Step three was pinning it on. So far so good. I made a few handup requests and decided to give it a go.
The race started and it wasn’t long before we caught the back of the field who had started a minute ahead of us, one of whom went down right in front of me. This forced me to get off my bike in a bad spot. The woman who was in second place behind steered clear the traffic jam. I lost contact with her.
And the was the race...four laps of seeing her just ahead of me...no one in sight behind me. I picked off riders from the 4/5 field for motivation until the bell lap when I got my Fuego handup.
Second place was not a bad showing for my first race in over two years.
The takeaways: First, I am definitely NOT in bike racing shape. Second, the cx community is full of wonderful and supportive people. This, I have always known and I am thankful that it has not changed in my absence. Finally, racing was much more of an emotional experience that I had anticipated. The physical strain is something my body is well prepared to handle, but emotionally, I am not quite there yet.
Coming out of retirement for a day felt pretty good, but I’m not sure what the future holds.
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