i love you

I grew up in a house where we never said “I love you.” 

I remember sitting in a chair at the therapist’s office, sometime in my late twenties, telling her that my father has never told me that he loves me. I know that both of my parents love me, it’s just not something that they’ve ever said...and a lot of people find that odd.

Recently, interaction with my mom has been limited to the phone. Once a day I will call her and she gives me the update on my brother. Before she goes, she says” I love you” and I say “I love you too.”

I like the way that sounds.

Nittany CX: DAY 2

Sunday morning was a carbon copy of Saturday morning, except for the fact that when my alarm went off I felt forty years old. 

Last season I raced back to back days on two occasions. Both times, I felt sluggish and sore on the second day, yielding poor results...and because I haven’t been training, I figured that today would be no different than what I experienced last year on day two. 

It had rained over night and the temperature was cool. I previewed the course in all of its muddy glory, then picked up my number. This isn’t a particularly profound thought but...what goes on behind you and what goes on in front of you can impact your race significantly...sometimes you come out on the winning end of things, sometimes you don’t. 

There was a lot going on during the first three minutes of this race, especially when we hit the mud. By the time I broke free from the congestion, the lead group had gotten a gap. I worked hard to close in on them and managed to reel in two riders, resulting in a fifth place finish. What pleased me the most was my consistency. Placing fourth and fifth on back to back days is definitely an improvement from last season.

Nittany CX: DAY 1

The forecast was for heat and humidity. My efforts to stay properly hydrated were rewarded with several trips to the bathroom throughout the night. The alarm went off at 5AM. I donned my headlamp and took the dog for an hour long walk.

One of my friends said that racing this weekend would be good for me because it would allow my mind to focus on something else...obviously, she doesn’t race CX.

Aside from attending one skills clinic, I’ve done absolutely nothing to prepare myself for this season. Lack of preparation seems to lend itself well to lack of expectations and so I rolled up to the line fairly relaxed. And when the whistle blew, my heart raced, my legs ached and I was thankful that the race was only four laps.

I stayed with the lead group for a good portion of the race, then started to wear down on the third lap...but I held my position and kept them in sight, crossing the line fourth. It was my best result in the MAC Race (by a lot!).

Unfortunately, I couldn’t stay to socialize after the race...but it was nice to see so many friendly faces. I appreciate the kindness of each and every one of you who reached out to me today.

The Tumbleweave Diaries

Maybe it's weave or maybe it's not...

CX is coming...

...or at least that’s what I’ve been told

This season won’t be like last season, that’s for sure.

Health problems, family stuff, finances, fit issues and work have kept me from getting on the bike more than once or twice a week.

Last year, there were only one or two days a week spent off the bike. Now, the tables have turned. I need to be efficient with the time I have, so most days are spent running, strength training and/or on the stair machine at the gym. I still have fitness, just not bike related fitness and that is something which becomes glaringly obvious when I am fighting to not get dropped on a group ride.

Last season, if you told me this is where I would be right now I’d tell you that was an unfathomable thought...but here I am, life happens and I’ve adapted.

I’ll certainly be approaching this season with a different mindset, but one thing that will not change is the tremendous amount of fun I am going to have.

the problem with stuff

I’ve spent the past three years making a conscious effort to declutter my life. I’ve made donations, sold things on eBay and most importantly stopped buying stuff unless it was absolutely necessary. There have been things that I’ve really wanted, but did not need. It’s been difficult exercising restrain at those moments. Discipline has paid off.

It’s been a bumpy road the past few months.

There have been people who I have wanted to reach out to for support, but I haven’t. And I am starting to realize that (just like with material things) there are people I want in my life that I don’t necessarily need in my life.

cold turkey

During the winter months, my caffeine consumption was out of control. My coffee mug holds four cups of coffee. I was drinking two a day, from the french press. During my April appointment with the cardiologist, he asked about my caffeine consumption and mentioned that it could have been the cause of my SVT. 

Something had to change. 

I thought back to the last time I tried to quit my afternoon cup of coffee. The result was a terrible headache. Was I addicted to caffeine? Probably, but I always justified it by saying I could be addicted to something far worse. This time around, I eased myself into it, by starting with half-caf, then de-caf and ultimately no coffee in the afternoon. 

While caffeine addiction pales in comparison to other types of addiction, it is definitely a liberating feeling to no longer be dependent on that afternoon cup of coffee.