a moment of clarity

In June I sustained a foot injury which required me to take time off from running. Inactivity and the fact that I had to cancel my first vacation (the Race the Cog event in NH) had me feeling pretty miserable.

Older and wiser, I took a conservative approach to healing and by mid-July I was back in stride. That is when August decided to lay a giant turd. So far I've had strep throat, covid and got stung in the face by a bee. The air conditioner in my rental house broke. A pipe in my rental house broke. Illness and finances prompted me to cancel my two remaining vacations. While I consider myself resilient and mentally tough I'd rather not be tested to find my breaking point.

Covid has made my lungs feel like they are being assaulted any time I try to put forth a strenuous cardiovascular effort. As a result, I've spent a lot of time walking. It gives me time to think and in that sense it is therapeutic.

I've come to the realization that not much has changed about my body since the foot injury in June. I've dialed back the frequency, duration and intensity of my exercise which has been extremely challenging.

Tell me to workout for two hours at maximum heart rate and I will do so with pleasure. Tell me to take the day off and go to the beach with my mom to indulge in pancakes and I get anxiety.

I ate the pancakes and lived to tell the tale...after all, you are reading this.

one foot in front of the other

Not many people will understand why this picture is such a big deal. To say that Covid created the perfect storm would be an understatement. I’ve struggled severely with mental health issues for the past two years. Part of this was a self imposed lifestyle of depravation. I am trying to shake it off but it isn’t easy. Today was a small step in the right direction.

an unexpected gift 2020 edition

I wasn’t going to write this. It was good enough for me to know that I had won the battle. 

On Christmas Day when I read a post from my friend Phil it became apparent that this victory was a gift and that I needed to share my gratitude for it. The post read “Friends- check on your clergy friends. Lot of us are feeling lost...”

And so Phil, I wanted to say “Thank You” for my unexpected gift. It was your service to The Greater Woodbury Cooperative Ministry Food Pantry that acted as a catalyst for change.

You may or may not know that I have been struggling with an eating disorder since my brother passed away. I don’t understand how this event triggered it. My guess is that everything that happened to him left me feeling out of control and this was a way to remedy it. All I know is that it was mine and I owned it, which is why I never asked for help.

I can’t even count the number of times I came home with half a dozen packages of cookies only to throw them in the trash only to retrieve them the following day. I shoved them down the garbage disposal. I bagged them and tossed them in a public trash can. I smashed the glass containers which held them. 

On the final day I went to Target and bought three packs. Then I read a post from Phil. He was collecting food for The Greater Woodbury Cooperative Ministry Food Pantry. I was filled with shame. There are people going hungry. What was I doing? It needed to stop. It did. That day I packed them away with some other food items and dropped them off at Phil’s house. 

I haven’t looked back. Sure it’s been a struggle, but it is worth the reward.

If you want more information on CHSP click here.
If you want to read more about my battle click here.

Purpose

I’ve always said that I work to live, not live to work and that I’d never let my job define me. While that still holds true I have come to realize that our jobs give us a sense of purpose. This was a painful realization that I arrived at during the past several months of the COVID pandemic. 

On March 16th at 8PM all gyms in the State of NJ officially closed and I became unemployed. Like most people, I figured we’d resume our normal daily activities in a month or so. Four months later I am still out of work. 

Financially it has been a strain, but I’m resourceful and have been able to get by. The real struggle has been emotional. I feel like a hamster on a wheel...going nowhere, contributing nothing. 

The opportunity to hike the Long Trail has provided me with a renewed sense of purpose. I am thankful for this opportunity and for the kindness everyone has shown. It has been the only source of light during this dark time.

gRaTiTuDe

I recently read an article entitled "Self-Rule Choices You Can Make to Increase Your HRV and Immunity." One of the suggestions involved practicing gratitude every morning and every night.

It has been a while since I've written anything. The past four months have been a mind numbing experience. I've gone to a pretty dark place, mainly because I've been out of work and have lost my sense of purpose. I don't feel like I am contributing anything. The sun rises and the sun sets. Every day feels like a carbon copy of the one that preceded it. 

I've spent a lot of time exercising, but even that can take its toll on the body and the mind. Rest days are particularly difficult. Today was a rest day. Today was the day I decided to begin my journey of gratitude. I realized that rest days shouldn't been viewed in such a negative light. I should be grateful for rest days...after all, that means I have the ability to push my body to its physical limits. I am thankful for the ability to be active. I am thankful for the days when I can rest.

an unexpected gift

last month i received a mailer from planet fitness that contained a coupon for a two week free trial of the black card membership.

black card members are permitted to bring a free guest with them every visit. i redeemed the offer on the 7th of December and told my dad that he was going to start coming to the gym with me at least once a week to use the lat pull down and seated row.

like everyone else in this forward facing society, my dad’s shoulders are starting to become rounded and he is noticeably hunched over. he lifts weights in the basemen, but there aren’t many exercises he can do at home to strengthen his back and bring those shoulders back to center.

the day before my trial membership ended he finally agreed to tag along with me...most likely because he had run out of excuses not to go.

i intentionally chose a time that would not be crowded to make the experience as pleasant as possible. i stopped by the house after work to pick him up. he was dressed in khaki shorts with a belt and a t-shirt, then proceeded to explain that he did not have sweat pants. many of the older men wear jeans to the gym and on top of that, his jeans are so loose that they fit like sweatpants anyway. i instructed him to change and we were on our way.

i showed him how to use three different types of pull downs and rows. he completed two sets of each, then we walked upstairs to look at the treadmills, which i assured him were just like the one we have at home...just push quick start...3.0 speed is the same here as the one we have in the basement. we finished on the stretch machine. it was a twenty minute visit.

on the way home we talked about plans to visit again. i let him know that i upgraded my membership as a christmas present for him and that he was welcome to come along any time he’d like, even if all he wanted to do that day was walk on the treadmill.

later on in the day my mom told me that she had asked him how it went. he said he had a good time and that he was looking forward to going back again.

in the eight years that i have been personal training, my father has been extremely resistant to anything i have tried to show him when it come to fitness.

when i asked him about going back again he told me he wanted it to be at a time when i could stay with him on the floor and teach him.

it turns out that i wasn’t the one giving him a gift at all...he is the one giving the gift to me.

I met a hooker and I liked it

I’m 45 years old and just met a prostitute for the first time.

Perhaps I have unknowingly met one in passing at some point in time. This, however was a sure thing.Part of my job as a trainer at the gym is to provide “comp sessions” to members. These thirty minute training sessions are free of charge and enable the client to obtain a structured workout which they can follow on their own.

Usually I confirm these sessions the night before and in this case I did just that. We agreed to meet in the lobby at 9:30am since I would already be downstairs teaching a class.

When I saw her I immediately recalled that we had met briefly in the spring. At the time she was VERY deconditioned after a long illness and still suffered from stomach/GI issues. The session didn’t even last 10 minutes. She excused herself and went to the bathroom to vomit. When she came out she apologized, saying that today was not a good day and she needed to go home.

Now, she was in a much better place.

I asked what I could help her with during this session. She told me that she didn’t want any weight training, just cardio because she needed to lose ten pounds by the end of the month for work.

I set her up with interval programs on the treadmill, stair climber and rower. We sat down at the training desk so I could write it out for her. She was very appreciative, emphasizing that she just need to lose these last six pounds and be done with it.

I asked her what it was she did for work and she said “I’m an escort” Oh, I said, you mean you...Before I could finish what I was saying she chimed in to confirm “I’m a prostitute.I have my own clients and make $10,000 cash a month, but I need to get down to 120 so I can get head shots for this escort service."

By now I was COMPLETELY fascinated, still digesting what she had told me...Oh, well, how about we see how this program goes for you and we touch base in a week (in other words, after I make a list of questions I wanna ask you about being a prostitute)She agreed and we parted ways.

On Monday night I received a text informing me that she lost all of the weight. She thanked me and said we wouldn’t need to meet tomorrow.

So many questions left unanswered, but I’m thankful I was able to help her achieve her goal weight. I’m sure many men will be satisfied with the finished product.