our wants

One of my friends from college got a pretty decent job after graduation. She bought a new car and got her own apartment. A few years later, she switched companies, received a promotion and bought a house. Most people would see this as a success story, but the truth is she was miserable. The promotion meant longer hours and more responsibilities. The pay increase covered the mortgage and taxes. The more she made, the more she spent...she was barely getting by.

I came across this quote the other day and it sort of speaks to her story...

“There are thousands and thousands of people out there leading lives of quiet, screaming desperation, where they work long, hard hours at jobs they hate to enable them to buy things they don't need to impress people they don't like.” 

― Nigel Marsh

I'm a personal trainer at a local gym. I was training a client in September. She was getting ready to go on a trip and asked me what I wanted her to bring me back. I politely told her "nothing." When she returned, she asked what I had done over the weekend. I said that it was my birthday and that I went out to dinner with my family. She asked me what I got for my birthday. My response was "nothing." Then I followed up to make sure that she understood...I received nothing because I asked for nothing...I asked for nothing because there was nothing that I need.

Too many people in this world are never satisfied. They should probably take a good long hard look at what they want vs. what they need. 

There is a feeling of liberation that comes with not wanting things. 

This holiday season, the season of wanting, I am making it a point to not purchase gifts. Instead, I will offer my family and friends the gift of my time...the gift of an experience, one we can share together...the memory of which will last longer than any store bought item.

Non-Race Report: PA State CX Championships

AKA the day I was pissed at the world

There's something wrong with me. Despite the fact that I cannot raise my left arm above my head, nor turn my head in both directions...despite the fact that race time wind chill would be in the teens with gusty winds...despite the fact that I've already locked up the top spot in the PACX 3/4 Series...I seriously considered racing today.

Friday's crash on the road left me banged up. Saturday morning I was stiff and sore. My left arm felt like someone had used it for a speed bag. I decided to rest.  My brain, however, had other plans. The entire day was spent playing ping pong in my head...I will race...I won't race...I should race....I shouldn't race. 

Then, I played coin flip...best out of three (don't race)...ok, best out of five (don't race)...no, wait, best out of seven (don't race)...I was getting annoyed with myself. When did I become this competitive? Why is racing CX so addictive?

I woke up Sunday morning undecided. So, I made a phone call and scheduled a work appointment in Southwest Philadelphia. The house had no heat (unless you count the oven) and little furniture. I sat on a plastic lawn chair and placed my bag on a dirty wooden coffee table. He sat across from me on a metal folding chair, thankful for my willingness to meet him on a Sunday afternoon.

That helped to put things into perspective. I guess that if not racing my bike today is my biggest problem I should be pretty grateful.

out of habit

The night before a race I have chicken and sweet potatoes for dinner. I soak in an epsom salt bath, then make two servings of oatmeal, one of which I eat before bed, the other I place in a small plastic container and set in the fridge. 

The morning of a race I drink a cup of coffee from my Santa mug and make a blueberry banana smoothie, with one scoop of vanilla egg protein and one spoonful of almond butter. My fearless femme bottle water bottle is filled with orange scratch labs, and three additional bottles are filled with water. The cooler is packed with 4 bottles, a hammer nutrition flask with one shot of gel and the container of oatmeal. I put on my under armour compression socks and blue sports bra. My back pack is packed with a change of clothes, my race bag is packed with shoes, helmet, socks, gloves, skinsuit. 

I drive to the race listening to whatever I'm in the mood for, but 15 minutes prior to my arrival I switch to the bonus cd that came with Taylor Swift Red (Target Exclusive)...and I sing. 

I pre-ride the course in sweatpants, then get my number and drink the bottle of scratch labs. My skinsuit is placed on a camping chair and my number is pinned on with eight pins. I change into it and my black honey badger socks before my second pre-ride. I return to the car for a shot of gel and some more water, then a piece of dark green extra gum. 

I'm not much for warming up. I don't bring a trainer to races (which I probably should). My warm up is the first lap (which is probably wrong). Post race, it's a pair of swiftwick compression socks and a bottle of hammer nutrition chocolate recoverite. 

I do these things out of habit. There is no correlation between this sequence and the outcome of the race. There is comfort in routine.

Kutztown CX (PA Series)

AKA the day I went to the bathroom before the race and almost didn't get my skinsuit zipped back up in time for the start

This was the 7th race in the PACX Series, held on the grounds of Renninger's Market. I parked in the grassy field and took note of the retro looking port-o-pottys. The course looked flat, a welcomed change from the past few weeks of racing. I checked in at registration and headed back to the car to suit up. A set of rideable logs had me feeling very uneasy after the warm up lap. They were featured in other races this season and every time I had to dismount and run over them. That was not going to be an option if I wanted to win today. The second time out on the course I went directly to the logs and practiced, which had me feeling a bit more confident going into our 2pm race.

The field was small, but there was a handful of strong women to contend with and I knew this wasn't going to be easy. I got a decent start (for me) and entered the course in fourth. Around half way through the first lap I made a pass in the corner and took the lead. There's nothing like the feeling of being chased for forty minutes...taking advantage of every opportunity I had to get out of the saddle and sprint gave me a bit of breathing room as the race progressed. I crossed the line in first, earning my first cash pay out, ever!

The top spot on the podium felt good, but ever better was the feeling I got after speaking with some of the women who race in the elite field. These women are always willing to offer advice, whether it's gear selection, how to ride a log or what tire pressure to run on the course. They've all been in my place at some point in time. It won't be long before I join them.

Kutztown CX Post Race Beer: Southern Tier Warlock

I heard a rumor that this was better than the other pumpkin offering from Southern Tier, Pumking. I think it all depends on your taste. This was good. It tastes similar to Pumking, but the finish is different. If forced to choose I'd still go with Pumking.

why i won't race elites (this year)

This is me when I was a freshman and sophomore in high school. 

 

Although the nicknames from grammar school (big momma, refrigerator and chicken mc nugget) didn't stick, the stigma attached to being a fat kid did. I participated in sports, practicing just as many hours as the rest of the team, but always sat the bench when it was game time. I never ran a mile until I got to college and joined the novice crew (rowing) team. The pounds came off and a physical transformation took place. 

I bought a bike in 2011, did a bunch of group rides and decided to race in 2012. I left my first road race in an ambulance and crashed out of my second one. About half way through the season, my teammates suggested that I try cyclocross. It sounded like fun, so I bought a bike and went to a clinic at Belmont Plateau. That was the first time I was on my CX bike. The second, was Whirly Bird CX, my first race. I was in love! I completed seven races last season. My best finishes were 4th at Crosssasuarus Awesome and 5th at Stoudts CX. 

From January to August I rode my bike 4,975 miles...that's 306 hours on the bike, most of that time was spent alone. 

My only goal entering this season was a top 10 finish in a MAC Race. After making the podium in my first PA Race, Town Hall, I began thinking that I had a shot at winning the PA Series. The following weekend I went on to win Star Rock CX and West Chester CX. It was the first time I had won anything. Those wins gave me enough points to upgrade from a 4 to a 3, which I did. 

After my third win at Crossasaurus Awesome, I started to hear the word "sandbagger" being tossed around, along with the suggestion that I move up to race in the 1/2/3 field. 

At 39 years old, I will most likely never be in this spot again. I worked my ass off for eight months in preparation for this season. I have every right to enjoy the feeling of success.

The Neighborly Thing To Do

Two weeks ago I was doing a cx workout at the local soccer field. My neighbor rode his bike up to the tennis courts across the street and proceeded to dump empty vodka bottles into the trashcan. Last week I saw him pedaling up our block, in his basket were items dressed in brown paper bags. The next day, he had a seizure and was taken via ambulance to the hospital.

I told my parents what I saw and they advised me to keep it to myself, but I couldn't...it was eating away at me...and I thought, if this happened back in the time when neighbors looked out for each other there wouldn't be a second thought as to what I should do.

So I sat with it...and then I saw his wife outside raking leaves...I walked over to inquire about his status and then I said that I noticed him doing something strange. She asked what it was (because he does a lot of things that are strange) and I told her that I saw him emptying bottles (I did not say what they were) into the trashcan by the tennis courts. She was not surprised. She said that he thinks she doesn't know and tries to hide it, but he has been an alcoholic for a long time. 

My concern was the implication that this could have if no one was aware of his problem...because he is prone to seizures and taking medication for it. The non-accusatory approach I took was received well and I feel better for having said something.

FSVS CX

I love cross. Today, it didn't love me back.

The pre-ride went well in the sense that it gave me a game plan for the tricky sections. Then came the call ups...the official lined us up nine across in a space fit for only six or seven riders. We were elbow to elbow. The whistle blew, I was cut off and fought to stay upright. I kept my composure and tried to move up. Then, two riders in front of me crashed on an off camber turn. While they were sorting it out, the rest of the field was gaining distance. I squeezed by, knowing that at this point I had over a minute of ground to make up. We entered the next section of steep, off camber hills and another rider went down. I narrowly avoided being taken down with her.

The field spread out and things settled down on the remaining laps. Out of contention, my focus shifted to riding the corners cleanly and making smooth transitions. It became a much needed practice session because my technical skills aren't very good.

I finished in ninth place, still respectable for a MAC race, but not where I had hoped to be...that's the way it goes in cx...sometimes you're the windshield and sometimes you're the bug. Today, I was the bug. Thankfully, there's good beer and a another race to look forward to.

FSVS CX Post Race Beer: Epic Brewing Company Cross Fever

This was given to me by the most awesome winner of today's race. It reminds me a bit of the Vienna Red at Iron Hill.  I will drink the entire thing in her honor, but mostly because at 4.8% I can.

Stoudts CX

AKA the day that my legs broke...

It was cold and windy, but the sun was out. I arrived in time to pre-ride before the 8am race. The course was noticeably different from last year. There was no mud and it felt a bit more hilly, which my legs did not appreciate. I returned to the car and discovered that my socks did not match. I pinned my number and changed into my skin suit. The pins popped off. 

So that's how it's gonna be...

At the start, the rider next to me got bumped by someone behind her. We ended up brushing wheels, which enabled two people to move ahead. I entered the course in fifth. 

Unable to make a pass, the lead rider got a gap and never looked back. Five laps in second place and that's where I finished. I was one and a half for five on my attempts to climb goat hill. I don't know which was more painful, running it or riding it. I do know that I am quite content waiting another year to race that course again.

Stoudts CX Post Race Beer: Stoudts Double IPA

Because we're at the brewery and because it's not even Noon, the 10% Double IPA is the perfect recovery drink. This one wasn't too hoppy or bitter, but I drank it so fast that I'd need another one to give you more detail. Unfortunately, at 10% that was not possible for this light weight, but it's definitely worth giving it a try if you have the opportunity.

Swashbuckler CX

November 2nd marked the date of my team's inaugural cross race (Caffeinated CX). It was also the date of a PA Series Race, Swashbuckler CX. As the season has progressed, the prospect of winning the Women's 3/4 Series in PA has become a realistic goal. Taking nothing for granted, I headed West this weekend to the grounds of the PA Renaissance Faire for Swashbuckler CX. 

Prior to inspecting the course, I'd received feedback from others that it was unsafe. The pre-ride left me feeling a bit uneasy. This was largely in part to the longest sandpit ever, which rewarded me with a pretty nasty battle scar after a failed attempt at riding. 

An up hill start left me in second place. I lost contact with the lead rider after the sand pit (I was 1 for 4 in my attempts to ride it) but quickly regained ground as we entered lap number two. At some point, I passed the lead rider, but we remained close. On the second lap I was able to ride the sand pit cleanly, which gave me some breathing room. The last two laps I turned it up a notch every opportunity I had, then dialed it back as not to make a mistake when approaching the technical sections. 

The promoters gave every participant a voucher for a turkey leg and six pack of beer. The podium was in front of a pirate ship and I was given a wooden sword for my first place finish.

Swashbuckler CX Post Race (Root) Beer: Appalachian Brewing Company

Because I need to get up at 5:30AM both days this weekend. Discovered circa 2001 while working on a research project for Temple University. I frequently had to visit a prison not far from Appalachian Brewing Company. After sampling all of their offerings, I opted with the six pack of root beer to go. It has been my favorite ever since.