some day you will thank me for this

Sometimes we learn things the hard way. I felt obliged to share this knowledge in an attempt to prevent others from making a similar mistake.

A port-o-potty can be your best friend or your worst enemy. Just remember that when you decide to use one as a place to change your clothes, it's a good idea to put the lid down.

South Jersey Time Trial Training Series

In May, I went to Breakaway Bikes for power profile testing. For what it’s worth, the numbers said that I would be good at time trials. This made perfect sense to me because, as a collegiate rower, these events didn't seem too far off from a 2000 meter erg test. A month later, I bought a time trial bike. It was on sale (on sale). How could I refuse?

I looked on Bikereg for something that seemed feasible for my first time trial. I found the South Jersey Time Trial Training Series in Tuckahoe, NJ and entered the 10-mile time trial on July 21st.

The race started at 6pm. I arrived an hour ahead of time and sat alone on a hot, desolate road for nearly half an hour.

When my bib number was called, I clipped in and the official held on to the back of my saddle. Three, two, one...and, with a little push, I was off! My game plan was to take the race in five minute increments. I looked down at my computer at about three and a half minutes in and wondered what I had gotten myself into. I couldn’t breathe, sweat was everywhere and my legs were on fire.

After the turn, I felt pretty good. Knowing that it was half way over, I took it up a notch and continued to do so every couple minutes until I could see the finish line. No one had passed me and my time was good enough for a third place finish.
Considering that it was my first time riding the time trial bike (and my first race) I don’t think I did too poorly. There is another one next month and I am shooting for second place. Next time, I will keep my head down, steer a straight course and learn how to shift the gears.

adult piñatas

A couple weeks ago, I was invited by a friend of mine to be a guest at a wedding. I don’t enjoy going to weddings for people I know, let alone complete strangers, but I was promised that this wedding would be different (the theme was “Day of the Dead” and the table centerpieces were skulls) So, I agreed to go and figured that, at the very least, I’d engorge myself on the Mexican buffet.

We arrived at the venue (a pier on the beach) about five minutes prior to the start of the 4pm ceremony, were handed bug bands and doused with OFF! (the greenheads on the dunes are relentless little fuckers). Half an hour later, we were informed that the show was about to start and prompted to look toward the parking lot. There, the bride and groom (dressed in speedos) pedaled their bikes down the dirt road that lead to the pier.

The entire ceremony was written by the bride (an accomplished poetess) and flowed smoothly. Before I knew it, my plate was full of burritos, chips and guacamole and all was right with the world!

After dinner, we all gathered around the first of three piñatas that were to be broken with a wiffle ball bat (by the third one, the bat was trashed and the bride took matters into her own hands with a folding chair).

As each piñata broke, a variety of goodies fell to the ground and the younger guests, rushed to pick them up. These piñatas, however, were not your traditional piñatas. And, while there were plenty of skittles, tootsie rolls and butterfingers to be had, there was also a nice assortment of adult items, such a vibrators and furry leopard print blindfolds.

It was definitely the most entertaining part of the evening, watching the five and six-year-olds stick vibrators in their pockets and then return to their parents to proudly show them their prizes.

the walk to work

I have a staff meeting every Monday afternoon at 1:30pm. I frequently find parking one block east and one block south of the building in which I work. Today, I took note of the things that were on the ground during this short walk.

Used condom

Hair extension (not to be confused with tumbleweave)

Dirty diaper (and then another one about 100 feet up the block)

Water bottle filled with pee

Heavily used toothbrush

Empty 40 of Hurricane

bumper stickers

Bumper stickers are a form of self-expression.

I frequently take notice of them, not for their content, but rather their placement on the vehicle. I never understood why someone wouldn't take the time to ensure that their $1.00 sticker was centered properly on their $20,000 vehicle.

This week I paid more attention to the messages on the stickers.

Here are a few of my favorites:
- You steal here. You die here.
- Are you going to cowboy up or just lay there and bleed?
- Thelma and Louise live
- Exit 69 Where everyone gets off

adventures in composting

coming soon to my back yard...

75 ideas to start with
1. Coffee grounds and filters
2. Tea bags
3. Used paper napkins
4. Pizza boxes, ripped into smaller pieces
5. Paper bags, either ripped or balled up
6. The crumbs you sweep off of the counters and floors
7. Plain cooked pasta
8. Plain cooked rice
9. Stale bread
10. Paper towel rolls
11. Stale saltine crackers
12. Stale cereal
13. Used paper plates (as long as they don't have a waxy coating)
14. Cellophane bags
15. Nut shells (except for walnut shells, which can be toxic to plants)
16. Old herbs and spices
17. Stale pretzels
18. Pizza crusts
19. Cereal boxes (tear them into smaller pieces first)
20. Wine corks
21. Moldy cheese
22. Melted ice cream
23. Old jelly, jam, or preserves
24. Stale beer and wine
25. Paper egg cartons
26. Toothpicks
27. Bamboo skewers
28. Paper cupcake or muffin cups
29. Used facial tissues
30. Hair from your hairbrush
31. Toilet paper rolls
32. Old loofahs
33. Nail clippings
34. Urine
35. 100% Cotton cotton balls
36. Cotton swabs made from 100% cotton and cardboard (not plastic) sticks
37. Cardboard tampon applicators
38. Latex condoms
39. Dryer lint
40. Old/stained cotton clothing—rip or cut it into smaller pieces
41. Old wool clothing—rip or cut it into smaller pieces
42. Bills and other documents you've shredded
43. Envelopes (minus the plastic window)
44. Pencil shavings
45. Sticky notes
46. Business cards (as long as they're not glossy)
47. Receipts
48. Contents of your vacuum cleaner bag or canister
49. Newspapers (shredded or torn into smaller pieces)
50. Subscription cards from magazines
51. Leaves trimmed from houseplants
52. Dead houseplants and their soil
53. Flowers from floral arrangements
54. Natural potpourri
55. Used matches
56. Ashes from the fireplace, barbecue grill, or outdoor fire pit
57. Wrapping paper rolls
58. Paper table cloths
59. Crepe paper streamers
60. Latex balloons
61. Raffia
62. Excelsior
63. Jack o' Lanterns
64. Those hay bales you used as part of your outdoor fall decor
65. Natural holiday wreaths
66. Your Christmas tree.
67. Evergreen garlands
68. Fur from the dog or cat brush
69. Droppings and bedding from your rabbit/gerbil/hamsters, etc.
70. Newspaper/droppings from the bottom of the bird cage
71. Feathers
72. Alfalfa hay or pellets (usually fed to
rabbits)
73. Rawhide dog chews
74. Fish food
75. Dry dog or cat food

love bugs...

were sitting on this leaf at 9am when I arrived at the ropes course and were sitting on this leaf at Noon when I left the ropes course. I wonder how big that leaf seems to them.


well, come to find out that there actually are "love bugs" and these aren't it

F.A.Q.

Q: Are those like coordinates or something?

A: Yes, they are the coordinates for the start of the Highline Trail in Glacier National Park. The trail begins at Logan Pass (elevation 6646 ft), which is the highest point on the Going to the Sun Road and then runs north, following the Continental Divide.



I lived in Montana several years ago and was fortunate to have Glacier as my weekend playground. Since then, Montana has always felt like home to me. Last summer, I had the opportunity to spend a week there with someone for whom I cared deeply. I got the tattoo at the end of October. It was something that I had wanted to do for a long time, but after the trip to Glacier, the meaning behind it changed significantly. I spent the better part of the last ten years wishing that I were somewhere else. Then, someone came along and I realized that it didn’t matter where I was, as long as I was with the person I loved. Now, my home is not a place, it is people.

stall talk

Temple University conducts paid research studies. This one was advertised on the stall door in the women's bathroom. There were tabs attached to the bottom of the flyer with a phone number to call for more information. I am only mildly concerned that all of them have been taken.

it gets me every time...

the sights of south jersey

Monday. I knew it was going to be a good week when the man checking out in front of me spent $12 on two stuffed pretzels, a cookie and a pack of Marlboro menthols for lunch at Wawa.

On Tuesday I pulled up to a red light and looked to my left to find a man powdering his nose in the car next to me.

Aside from the complete Taylor Swift concert in my dreams, that was probably the best thing I saw all week. The next two days were spent working at the ropes course, but they did not disappoint.

On Wednesday, I saw a wolf spider emerge from a pile of climbing harnesses, consequently scaring the shit out of my coworker.

This is what a wolf spider looks like...
Thursday was fairly uneventful, so the great crested fly catcher made it to the top of my list. Cut me a break. I am learning about birds.

Friday was for the birds as well. I spent the morning paddling on the Rancocas Creek and saw a great blue heron.


For obvious reasons (see past post for reference) the best thing I saw on Saturday was the dumpster in the CVS parking lot.

Thankfully, Sunday rallied in the form of a woman wearing a full body brace, smoking a cigarette outside of a local grocery store.

Yeah. It was a pretty good week.

winning?

I've thought a lot lately about the concepts of winning and losing. I’ve found them to be quite subjective and for me, they aren’t black and white.

For the past three summers, I’ve played on a recreational softball team. Our first season, we lost every game. Last year, we won a few games. Currently, we are 7-6. The players on the team have remained consistent and our attitude has been the same...to have fun. Sure, it is nice to beat the other team, but no matter what the score, we always have a good time so at the end of the day, even losing can feel like winning.

Recently, I’ve discovered that sometimes, winning can feel like losing.

We’ve all heard the saying “It doesn’t matter whether you win or lose, it’s how you play the game.” While I doubt those are words that frequently come from the mouths of those who’ve won, it is something for all who play the game to consider.

anomaly

it's ok to be different...

the best thing i did this week was...

peed behind the dumpster in the Lambertville CVS parking lot (again)

My friend Buddy belongs to the Central Bucks County Bicycle Club. There is a 50 mile hill ride from Lambertville to Frenchtown (and back) on most Saturday mornings. It leaves the CVS parking lot in Lambertville at 9AM. The problem is that after morning coffee, a bottle of water and an hour long car ride, my bladder is about to explode...and there are no bathrooms.

I discovered this a couple of weeks ago, which was the first time I went on the ride. There was a patch of woods across the street, but it sat on a steep hill, making it inaccessible. I walked around to the back of the CVS and found a dumpster...good enough.

This time I even brought toilet paper.