becoming whole

I was raised Catholic. I went to Catholic Grammar School, Catholic High School and a Catholic University. I went to church on Sunday and Holy Days. In college, I went to evening mass three nights a week. My faith was something that I never questioned. The Catholic Church was something that I never questioned.

After graduate school, I fell out of the routine of going to mass. Part of this was because I was removed from the University setting, where mass was catered to a younger crowd. The other part was because I began to struggle with being gay and Catholic.

At the time, stories of priest sexual abuse were all over the news. It made me realize that the church was an imperfect institution at best.

This internal struggle went on for several years until I finally arrived at a place where I felt peace with my decision to completely abandon the notion of organized religion. It was rooted in my appreciation for nature and love of the outdoors.

Last weekend I got in the Jeep and drove to Brendan T. Byrne State Forest. I drove there in silence, hiked a few hours on the Batona Trail and drove home in silence. These are the experiences which make me whole, in contrast to the church, where all I found was a forum that divided.